When Kate reached out to see if I would be willing to write from “a musician’s perspective about Pilates,” I was hesitant. I do not consider myself a musician on any level. In my mind, being rendered a musician is saved for people who have mastered their craft (or at least somewhat). I do not fall into that category. My feelings on the subject probably stem from being told back in 5th grade that I didn’t make the cut to play any instrument. I was hoping for the flute but I was the only kid (that I can remember) that left the “tryouts” with no instrument. I had to come to grips with the reality that I was not musically inclined and would never play an instrument.
“There it was, officially-official. I was denounced to the world’s easiest instrument… only good enough for the cowbell.”
My husband (Steve) is a musician. He plays guitar, bass, drums, a mean frottoir (google it) , and is a beginner glockenspiel-ist. Oh - I almost forgot the theremin! You might want to google that one too. Both of my kids took up violin and I was left as the only one in the family that couldn’t play. A few Christmases ago, my husband gave me a cowbell. Not just any cowbell, this one had a sticker on it that claimed it to be the “World’s Greatest Cowbell.” There it was, officially-official. I was denounced to the world’s easiest instrument… only good enough for the cowbell. It was funny and sad at the same time. But I accepted it.
Then 2 years ago, my nephew brought his fiancée over for Christmas and she brought her accordion. She was a master of her craft. A true musician. She was what I would consider musically inclined as she also played the piano, the viola and had just taken up the bagpipes. We had a private concert in my living room and I fell in love. I fell in LOVE with the accordion. The sound spoke to my soul in a way music never had before. I was mesmerized by the awkwardness of it and how she made it look so effortlessly easy. Amazed that what I was hearing had all been self-taught and memorized. How could one instrument sound so full, like an orchestra in and of itself? I was smitten.
“I didn’t know if I would ever have the nerve to really try, but I was enjoying dreaming a little about the unattainable. So many dreams in life never come true...”
After they left, I stayed up for hours googling accordions, listening to clips and entertaining the idea of playing it myself. It was not a fleeting thought. I became obsessed. I was contemplating the impossible. Me playing an instrument had always been a ludicrous idea, shared by friends and family alike. Not only did I fail to make the cut back in 5th grade but I can’t even make "jazz hands.” You know, where both hands go out to the side and shake in sync to the same invisible rhythm? I get called out at parties to showcase this ineptness. I’m literally another person's party trick.
Steve was loving my newfound fascination. I would spend hours just looking at photos of accordions, all so different and beautiful. I finally understood what he felt like (at least a little) as I watched him study the same guitar magazines for years. He loved that I had caught the bug.
I didn’t know if I would ever have the nerve to really try, but I was enjoying dreaming a little about the unattainable. So many dreams in life never come true but Steve was set on making this one happen. He surprised me by finding an accordion teacher and the rest is history… or at least history in the making.
Even as I write this, I still find myself struggling with the word “musician,” so I decided to look up the definition.
MUSICIAN / myo͞o ˈziSHən (I put that in here just because it looks fun) A person who plays a musical instrument, especially as a profession, or is musically talented.
Ok, I can work with this… I am a musician in the sense that I play the accordion. I qualify on a technicality.
Learning to read music and play an instrument seems like it would have been so much easier at the age of 10, both from a time perspective and the brain's natural ability to act as a sponge. Finding time to carve out for practice is especially hard when there are so many other to-dos that seem more important. My husband disagrees. He feels the accordion is one of my greatest healers. Even harder still has been getting my body on board.
“It felt like my lungs were being cleared. Like I could breathe deeper when it was with me than without.”
My body has not been my friend for most of my adult life (that’s another story). I just found Pilates a year ago and it has been a saving grace. I have tried everything there is to try and nothing has brought relief other than warm water therapy - but one cannot live in warm water, especially in Upstate NY. Pilates has been a slow process, as has learning the accordion. Small baby steps… adding up to a journey in the making.
When I first strapped on the accordion, I connected to it. The movement of the bellows seemed to match my breath. I could time it. It felt like my lungs were being cleared. Like I could breathe deeper when it was with me than without. I didn’t want to take it off, but the accordion was heavy and my body was not havin’ it. My back, neck and especially my elbows could not bear the load. Accordions come in different sizes, ranging from 9 to over 30 pounds, and have anywhere from 12 bass buttons to the standard size of 120 bass buttons. I was learning with a 12 bass, 9-pounder and it was still very taxing on my body. I needed to find a way to make it work, even if only for short periods of time.
Pilates came into my life by way of a Brooks Hill Fall Fun Fair raffle win. What a prize! I will never forget my first Pilates lesson with Kate at her home studio. I was so nervous to try something new. Worried by my past attempts to try things to help myself that really only ended up throwing me backwards, some even creating new injuries. What we did that day was so basic and at the same time it was very profound. I connected with Kate (it’s hard not to) and I connected with Pilates. I knew it was something capable of really helping me. I knew it was different.
It was awkward learning to play piano with one hand, while at the same time having to press buttons with the other. It was almost equally awkward to move my body, to really move it with intention and have it respond accordingly. My body has been on lock-down for so long, and Pilates has shown it a way to be freer again. Both are uncharted territories proving to be guiding stars in my journey to wellness.
Pilates mimics the connection I feel to the accordion. The breath, the balance, the ebb and flow… Kate has helped me be more aware of my body, to engage muscles that are needed to support not only myself but also my instrument, vs. just relying on the first ones to “turn on.” Kate has an innate ability to tune into my body and know what’s going on. Sometimes I think she has “spidey eyes.” She picks up on the littlest thing that can be altered to center me. Pilates has been a safe place for my body to move. I feel challenged and supported in every movement. My work has helped me hold myself better with or without wearing an accordion.
“I am learning my body can be my friend, my instrument can actually be my teacher and mastery is in the eye of the beholder.”
Last year, I went to see my 98 year-old Grandmother for what turned out to be the last time. I brought my little 12 bass accordion (not to be confused with a toy accordion) in hopes of making her smile. Not just in old age, but throughout life, there was not much she was a fan of. To be truthful, I was nervous that she was actually going to hate it. I got myself all set up in the chair across from her and started to play. I was a child inside, nervous I would mess up. But when I started to play, she transformed. She was smiling and moving to the music…she was feeling it. I recognized it - she too was falling in love with the accordion - only this time I was the musician. She was young in those moments - younger than she had been in a long time. She passed away 6 days later. The accordion was a gift that day, a connection between us that I will forever hold in my heart.
I’m not sure if this will offer any insight into the mind/body of a musician? All I can say is that being challenged to write this… having to sit with myself like this… made me realize a few things. In small and consistent ways, I am learning my body can be my friend, my instrument can actually be my teacher and mastery is in the eye of the beholder.
- Holly P.
For anyone interested in hearing what an accordion really sounds like (not just the cheesy sound you may think of when you hear the name) here is a link to my inspiration (Lucy) playing the song that made me fall in love. And if you find you can’t stop thinking about this after it’s over- I’ve got the name of a great accordion teacher ;) You might also want to check out Lucy’s channel. Look carefully and you’ll find a duet with Steve on the frottoir.